Understanding Self-Injury
Most of us know about teens and cutting — how some use a sharp object like a razorblade, knife, or scissors to make marks, cuts, or scratches on their own body. But cutting is just one form of self-injury. Teens who self-injure also might burn, scratch, or hit themselves; bang their head; pull their hair; pinch their skin; pierce their skin with needles or sharp objects; or insert objects under their skin.
Self-harming is a serious issue that affects many teens. Like other risky behaviors, it can be dangerous and habit-forming. In most cases, it is also a sign of deeper emotional distress. In some cases, peers can influence teens to experiment with it.
The topic of self-injury can be troubling for parents. It can be hard to understand why teens (or even preteens) would hurt themselves on purpose, and worrisome to think your teen — or one of their friends — could be at risk. But parents who are aware of this important issue and understand the emotional pain it can signal are in a position to help.
About Self-Injury
When It Starts
People who self-injure usually start doing it during their teen years. Some continue into adulthood. In some cases, there's a family history of cutting or other self-harm.
Shame and Secrecy
A sense of shame and secrecy often goes along with it. Most teens who cut hide the marks and, if they’re noticed, make excuses. Some teens don’t try to hide cuts and might even call attention to them.
How It Develops
Cutting often begins as an impulse. Many teens discover that once they start, they do it more and more and can have trouble stopping. It may provide a sense of relief from deep painful emotions.
Important Distinction
Most of the time, self-harm is not a suicide attempt. But it can be easy to underestimate the potential to get seriously sick or hurt through bleeding, infections, or other problems.
Cutting and other self-harm can become a teen’s habitual way to respond to pressures and unbearable feelings. Many say they feel “addicted” to the behavior.
Why Do Teens Self-Injure?
Teens self-injure for many different reasons. Understanding these reasons can help you provide better support.
Powerful Overwhelming Emotions
Most teens who do it struggle with powerful emotions. Self-harm might seem like the only way to express or interrupt feelings that feel too intense to endure.
- • Emotional pain over rejection or grief
- • Pressure to be perfect or live up to impossible standards
- • Harsh treatment leading to feelings of being unsupported or unloved
- • Trauma causing emotional numbness (dissociation)
Physical Pain vs. Emotional Pain
For some, physical pain seems preferable to emotional pain. Physical pain feels specific and controllable, while emotional pain can feel vague and endless.
- • Self-injury can provide a sense of control and relief
- • Visible wounds “show” the internal pain
- • Because it’s self-inflicted, it is pain they control
A Sense of Relief
Many teens describe the sense of relief they feel as they self-harm. Some believe endorphins are released; others say it distracts from emotional pain by focusing on physical pain.
Feeling “Addicted”
Cutting can be habit forming. As with other compulsive behaviors, the brain begins to associate self-injury with relief, making it harder to stop.
Other Mental Health Conditions
Self-harm is often linked to other mental health conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, or substance use.
Peer Pressure
Some teens are influenced by peers who self-injure. Group pressure can play a role, especially if self-harm is normalized within a social circle.
Any of these things may help to explain why a particular teen cuts or self-harms. But each teen also has unique feelings and experiences that play a role. Some might not be able to explain why they do it.
Regardless of the reason, self-harm is not a healthy way to deal with intense emotions or pressure.
Confronting Self-Injury
Some teens call attention to their self-injury. Others are discovered because an injury needs medical attention. Many cut for a long time before anyone else knows.
When Teens Reach Out
Some eventually tell someone because they want help, or at least to feel understood. It takes courage to speak up, and many teens hesitate out of fear of being misunderstood or judged.
How Teens May Respond
Teens may respond differently when confronted, depending on how the conversation is handled.
- • Some deny the self-harm
- • Others admit it but minimize the seriousness
- • Some get angry or reject help
- • Some are relieved someone knows and cares
Stopping Cutting and Self-Injury
Whether or not others know about the self-harm, some teens cut for a long time before they ask for help. Recovery often involves multiple attempts and strong support.
Professional Help
When self-harm is linked to another mental health condition, professional care is essential. Some teens may require hospitalization before they feel ready to accept help.
Stopping on Their Own
Some teens stop on their own after finding a powerful reason, supportive people, or new ways to resist the urge to self-harm. They still need new coping skills to manage difficult emotions.
The Challenge of Recovery
It can be hard to stop self-injury. Some teens stop and start again. Recovery takes determination, courage, and support from people who understand and care.
How Parents Can Help
Stay Calm and Non-Judgmental
- • Avoid reacting with anger or shock
- • Show you care and are there to help
- • Express concern and love
- • Focus on safety, not punishment
Get Professional Help Immediately
- • Don’t try to handle this alone
- • Find therapists who specialize in self-harm
- • Consider family therapy
- • Go to emergency care if there’s immediate danger
Create a Safe Environment
- • Remove or secure items used for self-harm
- • Monitor safety without excessive control
- • Ensure they aren’t alone during crises
- • Keep communication open
Provide Emotional Support
- • Listen more than you talk
- • Validate their feelings
- • Share healthier coping strategies
- • Be patient—recovery takes time
Learn About Self-Harm
- • Educate yourself about self-harm
- • Understand it’s a coping mechanism, not attention-seeking
- • Explore treatment options
- • Connect with parent support groups
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is self-harm the same as attempting suicide?
No, most of the time self-harm is not a suicide attempt. However, it can be dangerous and increases suicide risk. Take it seriously and seek professional help immediately.
Why would my teen do this if they’re not trying to die?
Self-harm is often a way to cope with overwhelming emotions. Physical pain can feel easier to manage than emotional pain, and it can provide temporary relief.
What are the warning signs of self-harm?
Unexplained cuts or burns, wearing long sleeves in hot weather, avoiding activities that reveal skin, finding sharp objects, withdrawal, and mood swings.
How do I talk to my teen about self-harm?
Choose a calm moment, stay non-judgmental, express love, listen more than you speak, and avoid blame. Let them know you want to help.
Can my teen recover from self-harm?
Yes. With therapy, coping skills, and family support, teens can recover. It may take time and there may be setbacks, but recovery is possible.
🚨 Remember: Help is Available
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
988
Call or text anytime
Emergency
911
For immediate danger
⚠️ Important Note
This article provides general information and is not intended to replace professional mental health advice. Self-harm is a serious issue that requires immediate attention. If you suspect your teen is self-harming, contact a mental health professional, pediatrician, or crisis hotline right away. Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room for immediate danger.