Understanding School-Age Communication
As kids enter their school years, they become increasingly independent, spending much of their days outside the home in school and with peers. But talking with your child is still essential to bonding, so share ideas, opinions, and information.
During these years, communication skills become crucial for academic success, social relationships, and overall development. Strong communication abilities help children succeed in school, make friends, and express themselves effectively.
Understanding how to communicate effectively with your school-age child and recognizing potential communication challenges helps you support their development and academic success.
Communicating With Your Child
Effective communication with school-age children requires intentional effort, especially as they become more independent. Here are practical suggestions to aid communication:
⏰Make Time to Hear About the Day's Activities
Be sure your child knows you're actively interested and listening carefully. Set aside dedicated time for conversation, even if it's brief.
- • Schedule regular check-ins, such as after school or at dinner
- • Put away distractions (phone, TV) during conversations
- • Show genuine interest in what they're sharing
- • Be present and give your full attention
- • Create a safe space for open dialogue
- • Ask specific questions about their day
💬Remember to Talk With Your Kids, Not At Them
Communication is a two-way street. Avoid lecturing or talking down to your child. Instead, engage in genuine dialogue where both parties can share and listen.
❌ Avoid:
- • Monologues and lectures
- • Interrupting when they speak
- • Dismissing their opinions
- • Talking down to them
- • Only giving instructions
✅ Do:
- • Ask for their perspective
- • Listen without judgment
- • Validate their feelings
- • Engage in mutual dialogue
- • Share your own experiences
❓Ask Questions That Go Beyond "Yes" or "No"
Open-ended questions prompt more developed conversation and show you're interested in their thoughts and experiences.
Instead of "How was school?" try:
- • "What was the most interesting thing you learned today?"
- • "Tell me about something that challenged you today."
- • "What's something that made you laugh or smile?"
- • "How did you feel about [specific event or class]?"
- • "What are you looking forward to this week?"
- • "What was the best part of your day?"
- • "Tell me about a friend you talked to today."
🚗Take Advantage of Time During Car Trips or Standing in Line
These moments can be perfect opportunities for conversation. The side-by-side setting (rather than face-to-face) can feel less confrontational and more comfortable for children.
- • Use drive time to check in about their day
- • Discuss current events or topics of interest
- • Play conversation games (would you rather, tell me about...)
- • Share stories from your own childhood
- • Keep the atmosphere relaxed and non-judgmental
- • Use waiting time for quick check-ins
🎯Make Time for Activities and Events
Show interest in your child's life by participating in their activities and being present at important events.
Sporting Events
Attend games, matches, and competitions
School Events
Plays, concerts, presentations, parent-teacher conferences
Play Games
Board games, card games, or activities they enjoy
Also make time to talk about current events, which can lead to meaningful discussions about values, worldviews, and important topics.
📚Encourage Your Child to Read Books and Stories
Encourage your child to read books and stories that are slightly above his or her competency level. This helps build vocabulary and comprehension skills.
Benefits of Challenging Reading:
- • Expands vocabulary
- • Improves comprehension
- • Builds critical thinking
- • Enhances communication skills
- • Exposes to new ideas and concepts
How to Support:
- • Read together and discuss
- • Help with difficult words
- • Ask questions about the story
- • Visit libraries and bookstores
- • Model reading yourself
Vocabulary and Communication Patterns
As kids progress in school, their comprehension and use of language will become more sophisticated. Usually, kids will understand more vocabulary words and concepts than they can express.
Language Development During School Years
Receptive Language
Understanding language (usually stronger than expressive):
- • Understands more words than they can use
- • Comprehends complex instructions
- • Understands abstract concepts
- • Follows multi-step directions
Expressive Language
Using language to communicate:
- • Engages in narrative discourse
- • Shares ideas and opinions
- • Uses clear speech
- • Expresses complex thoughts
Key Communication Skills
Your child should be able to engage in narrative discourse and share ideas and opinions in clear speech.
Narrative Discourse
- • Tell complete stories
- • Sequence events logically
- • Include details and context
- • Use appropriate transitions
Sharing Ideas
- • Express opinions clearly
- • Support ideas with reasons
- • Engage in discussions
- • Participate in debates
Clear Speech
- • Speech is easily understood
- • Uses age-appropriate vocabulary
- • Grammar is mostly correct
- • Can explain complex ideas
When Should We Get Help?
Stay in Communication with Teachers
Have ongoing communication with your child's teacher about overall language skills and progress. Kids with language comprehension and usage problems are at risk for academic problems.
- • Attend parent-teacher conferences regularly
- • Ask about written and verbal communication skills
- • Discuss participation in class discussions
- • Inquire about reading comprehension and writing abilities
- • Share any concerns you have at home
- • Ask about social communication with peers
Specific Communication Problems
A child who has a specific communication problem, such as stuttering or a lisp, should be referred to the school speech-language pathologist (an expert who evaluates and treats speech and language disorders).
Working with Speech-Language Pathologists:
- • Stay in touch with the therapist about therapy goals
- • Ask about language activities to practice at home
- • Discuss your child's progress regularly
- • Share observations from home
- • Support therapy goals at home
- • Attend therapy sessions when possible
Language-Based Learning Disabilities
If your child's teacher suspects a language-based learning disability, comprehensive testing will be done. This can include:
Hearing Test
To rule out hearing issues that could affect communication
Psychoeducational Assessment
Standardized testing to evaluate your child's learning style and cognitive processes
Speech-Language Evaluation
Comprehensive evaluation of speech and language skills
Problems in Communication Skills
Be aware of these potential communication problems that may need attention:
Hearing and Attention:
- • Hearing problems
- • Trouble with attention
- • Difficulty following directions in the classroom
- • Trouble retaining information
Language Skills:
- • Poor vocabulary growth
- • Problems with grammar and syntax
- • Problems with organization of expressive language
- • Problems with narrative discourse
Academic Impact:
- • Problems with academic achievement
- • Reading difficulties
- • Writing challenges
Speech Issues:
- • Unclear speech
- • A lasting stutter
- • A lisp
Vocal Quality Problems
Vocal-quality problems such as hoarseness, breathiness, or raspiness may need a medical evaluation by an otolaryngologist (an ear, nose, and throat specialist).
When to See a Specialist:
- • Persistent hoarseness or voice changes
- • Chronic throat clearing
- • Voice fatigue or loss of voice
- • Pain when speaking
- • Difficulty being heard in normal conversation
- • Voice quality that doesn't improve
Getting Professional Help
Medical professionals, such as speech-language pathologists, therapists, and your doctor, can help your child overcome communication problems.
Speech-Language Pathologist
Evaluates and treats speech and language disorders
Your Pediatrician
Can refer to specialists and coordinate care
School Support
IEP/504 plans, accommodations, and school-based therapy
Additional Tips for Better Communication
Choose the Right Time
- • Avoid important conversations when either of you is stressed or tired
- • Find moments when your child seems open to talking
- • Don't force conversations when they're clearly not in the mood
Listen Actively
- • Give your full attention when they're speaking
- • Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions
- • Reflect back what you hear to show understanding
Respect Their Perspective
- • Validate their feelings, even if you don't agree
- • Acknowledge their growing independence
- • Show respect for their opinions and ideas
Set Clear Boundaries
- • Communicate expectations clearly and consistently
- • Explain the reasoning behind rules
- • Be open to negotiation on appropriate topics
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q: My child doesn't want to talk about school. How can I encourage conversation?
A: Try these strategies:
- • Ask specific, open-ended questions instead of "How was school?"
- • Use car rides or other side-by-side activities for conversation
- • Share something about your day first
- • Don't force it - sometimes kids need time to decompress
- • Try asking about friends, lunch, or specific subjects
- • Be patient and available when they're ready to talk
Q: How can I tell if my child has a communication problem?
A: Signs that may indicate a communication problem include:
- • Difficulty following directions
- • Trouble expressing thoughts clearly
- • Problems understanding what others say
- • Limited vocabulary for their age
- • Difficulty with reading or writing
- • Social communication challenges
- • Persistent speech issues (stuttering, lisp)
If you're concerned, talk to your child's teacher and pediatrician. They can help determine if an evaluation is needed.
Q: My child's teacher says they're doing fine, but I'm still concerned. What should I do?
A: Trust your instincts. If you have concerns about your child's communication at home, discuss them with your pediatrician. Sometimes children behave differently at school versus home. Your pediatrician can help determine if further evaluation is needed, even if school reports are positive. You know your child best.
Q: How can I help my child build vocabulary?
A: Here are effective strategies:
- • Read together regularly, including books slightly above their level
- • Discuss new words when you encounter them
- • Use rich vocabulary in your own speech
- • Play word games and do crossword puzzles
- • Encourage reading for pleasure
- • Talk about current events and complex topics
- • Visit museums, libraries, and educational places
Q: What's the difference between normal speech development and a speech problem?
A: By school age, speech should be:
- • Easily understood by others
- • Mostly clear and fluent
- • Free of significant errors
Speech problems may include persistent stuttering, lisps that don't resolve, unclear speech that's difficult to understand, or speech that significantly impacts communication. If you're concerned, a speech-language pathologist can evaluate and determine if therapy is needed.
Q: How can I support my child if they need speech or language therapy?
A: Here's how to support therapy:
- • Stay in regular communication with the therapist
- • Practice recommended activities at home
- • Be patient and encouraging
- • Celebrate progress, even small steps
- • Don't correct every mistake - follow therapist's guidance
- • Make therapy goals part of daily routines
- • Support your child emotionally - therapy can be challenging
Key Takeaways
Talk With, Not At
Engage in two-way dialogue, listen actively, and respect your child's perspective
Stay Connected
Maintain open communication with teachers and seek help if concerns arise
Support Learning
Encourage reading, build vocabulary, and support academic communication skills
⚠️ Important Note
This article provides general information about communication with 6- to 12-year-olds and is not intended to replace professional medical, psychological, or educational advice. Every child is different, and communication challenges can vary widely. If you have concerns about your child's communication skills, behavior, or academic performance, always consult with your pediatrician, a mental health professional, or educational specialist. Early identification and intervention can make a significant difference.